The Case of the Wayward Witch Page 16
I drained my tea, wondering if he’d think it odd for me to eat the sugar straight from the bowl. ‘Yeah, I kind of got that. But … I mean … you can’t actually be serious, can you? You want me, a witch hunter, to work for a witch-run police force? What about Faster? What would I tell him I was doing? Come to think of it, what am I going to tell him happened with Diane?’
He gave me a reassuring smile. ‘That’s all been taken care of. We’ve used certain potions which make him more open to accepting our version of events. It’s worked in the past, and we believe it will continue to work in the future. For instance, he thinks you used my information to track Diane to a flat, where you falsely befriended her and sent her to the Dimension of the Damned.’
‘Not too far from the truth.’
‘No. I suppose it’s not. Look, I can see this is a bit of a shock for you, Katy. But you’re good at this stuff. You’ve got a hunter’s knack of figuring out when things are just a little bit off. But you’ve got something even better than that, too. You’ve got the common sense that hunters like your father and your uncle don’t. I get the feeling that, if you work for us, you won’t just want to arrest any witch. You’ll want to arrest the right witch.’
‘Well, duh. But while it’s a nice idea, it’s just not possible. Nedina, Cleo and Hamish know all about me now. When I used the binder, I had to say a certain witch hunter incantation. It was probably a load of nonsense, but I couldn’t risk it not working.’
‘If that’s your only reason not to work for us, then you don’t need to worry. Your new friends have already forgotten all about what you said at Jonathan’s apartment. They now believe the binder was Jonathan’s, and that you had a lucky accident when you opened it and sucked him in. And before you ask, no one will connect you to your father, either. We’ve ensured that the name Kramer will ring no bells in anyone’s minds. Oh, and as for why you ran away after saving their lives last night, well … they think you spent the entire night at the bedside of a sick school friend.’
‘Wow.’ I stared at him in awe. ‘You really have covered all the bases. So … Ned and everyone else … they think I’m a hero?’
‘I wouldn’t go that far. They don’t think you’re a villain, though. That’s a start.’
≈
‘Katy!’ Ned greeted me with a smile, then pulled me into a hug. ‘So sorry to hear about your old school friend being sick. But you’re back now, and that’s the main thing.’
Cleo, who was dozing on one of the shelves, opened an eye and glowered at me. ‘How wonderful,’ she said. ‘Just when I thought we’d gotten rid of you.’
Ignoring the cat, I returned Ned’s hug. It was a warm and lovely hug, which only added to my misgivings. I wanted to be here. I wanted this job. I wanted it more than I’d wanted anything my whole life long. I just wished it didn’t involve so much lying.
‘Yeah, yeah my friend is much better,’ I replied, extricating myself from the embrace.
‘Oh, that’s brilliant.’ She clapped her hands and gave me a happy grin. ‘Well, in that case, you should really pop into your all-new office. Now.’ She pulled open the secret door that led from the shop to the back.
‘What’s going on? Why do you look so excited?’
She winked, pushed me through, and closed the door behind me.
As I stumbled in, I found Hamish sitting at a second desk, in the little reception area he’d created with the shelving. The place looked better than ever. He’d even arranged the potted plants exactly as I would have wanted them. The phone slid back onto the cradle with some spell or other, as he ended the call he’d been on.
‘About time,’ he said. ‘I’ll expect a decent meal for all of this work I’ve been doing while you’ve been off gallivanting. And you still haven’t come through on your promise of a night out at Swanks.’
‘What work? I didn’t ask you to do any work.’
‘Oh?’ He shrugged, and the notebook his dicta-quill had been scribbling in slammed itself shut. ‘Fine then. I’ll just get back in touch with these clients and tell them we can’t take their cases, shall I?’
I ran to the notebook, opening it up. ‘Clients? We have clients? So that’s why Ned was so excited.’
‘Of course we have clients. We’re private investigators, aren’t we?’
I gulped, looking down at the notes he’d taken. A little girl had lost her familiar. A warlock wanted us to spy on his wife. A wizard wanted our help tracking down an OAP. ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘We are. I mean … what do you mean? We? You want to work for me?’
‘With you, Katy. I want to work with you.’ He hopped down off the chair and tottered close to me. Jumping up, he nudged my bag with his nose. ‘But first, I need you to be more careful with how you secure your Aurameter.’
He shook his head in exasperation and said, ‘It’s lucky I was the only one to spot that what you have is not your typical Aurameter. And next time you go to the loo in the Bank, for the love of the goddess please take your handbag with you. A device that unusual is worth a fortune. It was another gift from your mysterious relative, I assume. One I can’t blame you for wanting to keep to yourself – you just need to keep it a little more to yourself in future.’
Fluff! Let’s just pretend I didn’t make a mistake quite so gargantuan as that. ‘It shows me things,’ I admitted. ‘It shows me people as they really are. Guillermo looked like a really old man when I looked at him through it. You look … well … you look like a disturbingly naked man.’
‘But dashingly handsome, of course.’
‘Oh, of course.’
He plonked down onto his rear. ‘Katy, a normal Aurameter doesn’t do those things. A witch’s Aurameter can only be used by a witch, and will only show a witch’s power. What you have … well, I believe that came from a very different, and very rare place.’
Crap, crap, double-crap. All of Müd’s memory spells weren’t going to do much good if this little smartarse knew that my Aurameter was a witch-hunter model, now were they?
‘You do?’ I said with a scratchy throat.
‘Oh, I do. I most definitely, definitely do. Katy, the Aurameter you have … it’s a rare thing indeed, and I believe it was made by a wizard.’
‘A wizard?’ Relief rushed through me. Thank goodness he hadn’t said it was made by a hunter.
He nodded enthusiastically. ‘I don’t know which wizard, but it’s fascinating, isn’t it? I mean, I understand that you’re probably a little bit sore when it comes to the subject of your origins. Being abandoned by your coven must have hurt like heck. But Katy, maybe someone in your family was a wizard. Maybe you have both witch and wizard running through you. Now that would be a juicy secret to find out about an elitist witch coven who threw you out for being unempowered, wouldn’t it? Look, I know we have a lot of cases to figure out together, but I think that finding out the truth about Katy Kramer – not to mention the idiots who abandoned her – is going to be our most interesting, don’t you?’
Oh, boy. He didn’t know how interesting that would be. Just how much would he hate me when he found out the truth? I hadn’t been thrown out of any elitist coven. I was no witch, unempowered or otherwise. In fact, I was a person who was born to hunt them down.
‘Very interesting,’ I said weakly, wondering if the guilt would ever end.
His mouth opened into a wonderfully doggy smile, his tongue lolling out slightly while his tail began to wag. I had another one of my urges to rub his belly and give him a treat.
‘So what do you say?’ He held out a paw. ‘Partners in solving crime? I think we make a pretty good team, don’t you?’
‘Yeah,’ I said, feeling a surprising burst of happiness as I shook his paw. ‘You know what, Hamish? I think we do.’
≈
You’ve reached the end of The Case of the Wayward Witch. If, like Katy, you’re new to the world of the supernatural, then turn or swipe the page to find an extract from the Compendium of Supernatural Beings – a book, you m
ight remember, which Hamish gave to Katy.
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Extract from the Compendium of Supernatural Beings
Edition 5003.
Year of Publication: the Year of the Misfit (otherwise known as 2019 AD).
Chronicler: Adeline A. Albright (Senior Chronicler and Librarian, Crooked College, Warren Lane, Dublin 2)
Major Supernatural Beings
Witches:
Had you read this compendium even as early as last year, I would have begun by writing the following:
Witches, both male and female, are considered the most magical of supernatural beings.
But you are not reading it last year. You are reading it in the Year of the Misfit, when it is no longer a capital offence for this chronicler to tell the truth about witches. And the truth is that, although we are the most powerful beings within the enclaves which are governed by ourselves, we cannot be said to be the most magical of all supernatural beings.
Among those known as outsiders, there are beings more powerful than us, not least the sióga (the Irish faeries) and the Púca (shapeshifters who live within the sióga realm).
With that said, let us return to defining the witch. A witch’s power is innate and (almost always) inherited. It would not be possible to list all witch abilities in this compendium. However, many witches choose to specialize in one particular area. In the Year of the Woodpecker (2018 AD), Materialization was the most popular subject at Crooked College for the third year in a row. The Society for Senior Witches stated that this was ‘proof that silly young witches have succeeded in bringing about Hell on earth.’
Most witches belong to covens. Whilst each family may legally form a coven of its own, it is more usual for the smaller, newer witch families to join the covens of the larger, more established families.
Due to increasing pressure from other supernatural factions in recent years, witches have recently made their enclaves accessible to all other supernaturals. Whilst all supernatural enclaves (sub-dimensional regions) have always been accessible to witches, until recently the witches have kept their own enclaves closed to all but a privileged few.
During the Winter Solstice of the Year of the Lotus, Agatha Wayfair, the now deceased Acting Minister for Magical Law, issued updated versions of the Pendant of Privilege to all Irish supernaturals. The old (and some would say ugly) jewellery was redesigned, and there is now a choice of rings, necklaces and other jewellery which will grant the wearer access to the witch enclaves.
Warlocks:
The warlock movement has been around for centuries. It began in the Year of the Snout (2001 BC), when a small group of male witches formed the Warlock Society. Their original manifesto has been lost to the ages, but it is widely accepted that their modern manifesto is representative of the society’s early beliefs: that men are unfairly represented within the matriarchal structure of witch society, and recognition of their unique male capabilities is important to society as a whole.
Warlocks are (genetically speaking) witches. They’d just rather not be reminded of that fact.
Wizards:
(Note: This edition of the Compendium is only the third to include wizards in the Major Supernatural Beings section. To find references to wizards in compendia prior to the Year of the Lotus, the chronicler suggests you begin looking under the section labelled: Others)
Wizards can be male, female, or anything else they like. They are also known as mages, shamans and wiccans, and are often overlooked. This is due to the fact that wizards are almost always of human origin. Their power is neither innate, nor inherited. A wizard’s power is hard won and, because of that, deserves the utmost respect.
In February of the Year of the Woodpecker (2018 AD), wizards were finally granted equal rights, and they now have access to all major magical enclaves, tomes and educational facilities. Considering how far their power advanced without these privileges, this chronicler predicts an interesting future for wizards. Already, wizards are expert at harnessing and directing the elements, and utilising OUPs (objects of unusual power), OAPs (objects of awesome power), AUPs (areas of unusual power) and AAPs (areas of awesome power). With their new legal rights, they are sure to progress further.
Wizards traditionally reside in the human enclaves, most often working in science and technology – though a small few run candle stores, yoga studios, holistic centres and the like. In recent years, witches have – somewhat – relaxed their attitude to wizards. They have been free to work in witch enclaves for a number of years, but now they are also free to reside there. As yet, very few wizards have made the move, preferring to remain in the enclaves that have always been open to others.
As of December in the Year of the Lotus, there were more wizards working in the magical devices sector than there were witches. Sales of wizard-made brooms have now surpassed witch-made brooms.
Mages: See entry for Wizards
Shamans: See entry for Wizards
Wiccans: See entry for Wizards
Werewolves:
Werewolves are an example to us all that, with the right attitude, you can make a curse work for you. There are many conflicting chronicles of how, when and why these beings were hexed. Werewolves themselves have a long-standing policy of neither confirming nor denying any single chronicle.
What we do know is this: during the full moon (and including the day preceding and the day following said moon) all werewolves transform from their humanoid body, becoming wolves for three consecutive nights. Over the course of these three nights, the change begins at sunset and ends at sundown. Because of this, the transformation tends not to affect werewolves in their daily lives.
The werewolf curse can be passed on via a simple bite or scratch to any part of the body. The curse has many upsides: unusual strength, longevity (some werewolves have been known to live as long as vampires) and good looks. Rigorous testing has proved that even the ugliest human or witch, when transformed into a werewolf, instantly becomes more attractive.
The lure of werewolf-hood is irresistible to many witches. The well-known actress Veronica Berry has recently been turned by her werewolf husband, lead guitarist with the Call of the Wild. In a statement to Young Witch Weekly, Veronica said, ‘I was warned that I could lose quite a large chunk of my power, but that didn’t happen. I’m just as powerful as ever – except now I get to frolic with my gorgeous lover during the full moon.’
Before she turned, there was much speculation that Veronica – already considered an incredibly beautiful witch – would become the best-looking witch in history. Opinions are mixed on whether Veronica has achieved that aim.
Vampires:
Like the werewolf curse, there are many conflicting chronicles of the origins of vampirism. Many vampires have submitted themselves for testing, and recent findings confirm that vampirism is, indeed, a blood-borne virus – albeit a virus with extremely unusual behaviour. The blood of a vampire is both a poison and an antidote.
Often a human will resist a vampire bite. This is, frankly, the most foolish thing they could do. A willing bitee (as the vampires refer to them) will be drained by only a minor amount. Full penetration of the vein will do no damage whatsoever, and may even give the bitee a burst of energy equal to a strong cup of coffee or a shot of ginseng. After the bite, the vampire will perform a simple act of hypnotism, thus striking the event from the bitee’s memory and leaving them with nothing but a spring in their step.
If the human resists and manages to escape before full penetration, a vampire bite can leave the victim feeling weak for days. Often, humans will complain of
flu-like symptoms.
The process of becoming a vampire is a little more complicated than becoming a werewolf: in order to turn, you must drink a vampire’s blood before sunset on the day following the original bite. It is always preferable to drink from the vampire who administered the bite. Drinking from a different vampire can result in many complications (further details of which can be found in the Compendium of Supernatural Ailments). In recent years, the virus known as Dayturning was thought to be caused by such turnings. New evidence, however, suggests that either the original assessment was wrong, or the virus is mutating. For further information, see Dayturner entry.
Benefits of the vampire virus are numerous. They include: increased strength; near-perfect health (a small number of humans and witches with terminal illnesses resort to vampirism in order to cure their illness. In the majority of cases, the vampire virus does, indeed, provide a cure); ability to transform into a bat; ability to transform into a nearly-invisible vapour; ability to hypnotise; telepathy (the telepathic link can generally be established from vampire to vampire only, however there are some vampires who can read the minds of all creatures); long lifespan.
Problems associated with the vampire virus include: blood-drinking as the main source of nutrition (a small subset of vampires who were vegetarian in their previous life have set up the No Food with a Face Foundation. They are currently researching many alternatives to blood. Promising results have been seen with a vitamin popular in the human world, known as B12); sensitivity to daylight (although the hat and sunglasses sector is quite happy about this); long lifespan.