The Case of the Wayward Witch Page 15

  She crossed her arms. ‘Just drink it up and get yourself out of bed, will you? And when you have, we’ll go over to your uncle’s house together. I want to find out exactly what’s been going on.’

  ‘Nothing’s going on,’ I said, quickly slurping my tea. Nice and strong with three sugars. Lovely! ‘I just needed a break from him. You know how he is. All I’ve been doing is filing his messy paperwork and taking photos of people suspected of insurance fraud. I swear. In fact, I love my new job so much that I’m going back right now.’ I gave her my cutest smile. ‘I just stopped in for a while because I missed my mammy, that’s all.’

  She softly tugged at my hair. ‘You’re incredibly cute when you’re lying, Curly Kate. You should do it more often.’

  ≈

  When I arrived at Quay Questions I didn’t bother to look for Shirley. I just headed straight for the Traditional German Sausage Making book, pulled it out, and headed up the stairs.

  Inside the office, I could hear men’s voices. I stood on the spot for a moment, wondering whether to perform the special knock. Deciding against it, I pushed open the door.

  Peter Müd was sitting at his desk, with Captain Finn Plimpton facing him.

  ‘You don’t look surprised to see me here,’ said Finn, sitting back and regarding me.

  ‘Why would I be?’ I dragged over a chair and sat down next to him. ‘I know he’s one of yours.’ I nodded my head to Peter. ‘Although I should have figured it out sooner. You didn’t find that card for Ned’s shop just lying about on the street, did you?’

  Peter gave me a friendly smile. ‘No, Katy, I didn’t. Perhaps I should introduce myself properly. I’m Agent Peter Müd, an undercover Wayfarer. I’m a wizard, and for the last few months, my job has been to keep your uncle under control.’

  ‘Well, that makes a whole lot more sense than you being his actual partner, I suppose. Because if you were, then you’d need your head tested.’

  Finn sniggered. ‘At first we thought there was no uncle. Every time we looked at him, or tried to find out more about him, we kept finding ourselves convinced that he was a woman. We’ve long been aware that all witch hunters, no matter what they say, resort to magic at one time or another. Faster’s using a spell which ensures that every single witch who encounters him, or tries to look further into his identity, will be tricked into seeing exactly what he wants us to see.’

  ‘Of course,’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘Because as far as my uncle’s concerned, no one in their right mind would believe that a woman could be a hunter.’ I thought back to the letters in his hallway. ‘Is his female persona a woman called Gilda Granger, by any chance?’

  ‘It is,’ Peter confirmed.

  ‘Unfortunately for Faster,’ said Finn, ‘he has no real knowledge of the many differing supernaturals. Peter – and any of our agents who aren’t witches – can see him for exactly what he is. Peter’s been keeping an eye on him for quite the while, pretending to work with him so we can make sure he doesn’t do any damage.’

  I didn’t envy Peter his job, but I couldn’t help but wonder: what would this mean for me? I was a hunter, just like my uncle. ‘So where does that leave me, then?’ I asked aloud.

  Finn placed his hands behind his head and said, ‘Where indeed? How about we decide that after you answer a few quick questions? Like … why did you let Diane go, instead of killing her? Instead of killing all of them? You had the Soul-Sucker and your uncle’s binder the whole time you were living with them.’

  ‘You know about the Soul-Sucker?’

  ‘We do,’ said Peter with a sigh. ‘Faster showed it to me pretty much the day we met. I neutralized it some time ago so that it couldn’t do any real damage. Of course, the knife itself doesn’t know that. And neither did you. As far as you and the knife knew, it would have made anyone you threw it at kill themselves on the spot. So I’ll ask Finn’s question again. Why not kill them all?’

  Why not indeed? The truth was complicated. Sure, my gut had told me Diane was innocent, but it was more than just that. I’d liked Ned and Hamish. And as for Cleo, well … I couldn’t kill a cat just because she was sarcastic, could I?

  ‘Well, I was never going to use that knife,’ I replied. ‘No way would I do a thing like that. And as for the binder, I just … I guess I figured I’d better be sure of who was actually guilty before I sent them to the Dimension of the Damned. That, by the way, is where my uncle says his binder sends witches. And I wouldn’t have sent Jonathan there, either, unless I absolutely had to. Was the binder neutralized, too? Because it sure didn’t seem it.’

  Finn chuckled. ‘Well, we saw no reason to do that, seeing as the Dimension of the Damned happens to be a stationery cupboard that used to belong to a witch called Orla the Organised. She was … well, let’s just say I’m glad that all of her shenanigans happened long before I was captain. Like everything Orla once owned, her stationery cupboard is now under Wayfarer supervision. Todge was on guard duty there yesterday afternoon. He found Jonathan with a protractor on one ear and a pencil in the other. He’s awaiting trial as we speak. Jonathan, obviously, not Todge.’

  He nodded at my necklace. ‘It’s Disgruntled Admitaz, isn’t it? Peter had a feeling you’d find your way to Samhain Street with the help of Jude Kramer’s Toolkit.’ Seeing my hand cover the necklace protectively, he said, ‘No need to worry. You’ve more than proven yourself, Katy. We’ll not be confiscating anything from you.’

  ‘Huh.’ I sat back in my chair. ‘Well, that’s good, I guess. What do you know about Jude?’

  ‘Not as much as we’d like.’ Peter sounded honest in his reply. ‘No one in the Wayfarers had heard of her until Faster mentioned her to me, but since then I’ve been researching her. I haven’t found much, but enough to make me sure she was a lot more talented than your uncle believes.’

  ‘Yeah. That makes sense,’ I said. ‘And … what about Hamish? I guess you’ve turned him back by now, right? He must be relieved not to be a dog anymore.’

  Peter winced. ‘Well, there’s a bit of a problem there, I’m afraid. Jonathan’s not the most powerful of witches, but he does have a whole lot of money. And money means power in any world. When he turned Hamish into a dog, he used a rare and expensive OAP to make sure the spell couldn’t be broken. Sorry, I should explain. An OAP is an object–’

  ‘–of awesome power,’ I finished. ‘Yeah, I know.’

  Finn lifted a brow. ‘Of course you do. In the space of a few days, you’ve managed to learn more than your uncle’s learned in decades. All I can say is that I thank the stars your uncle thought he was too good to open a woman’s Toolkit. If he had opened it … well, I don’t think this would have worked out quite so neatly.’

  He shuddered before continuing. ‘In any case, the object Jonathan used was a Pillar of Permanence and, well, it does what it says on the tin, really. We’d need the pillar itself to have any chance of breaking the spell, and Jonathan’s destroyed it. I mean, we’d have as much luck trying to put a genie’s lamp back together as we would trying to fix this mess.’

  I frowned. ‘I don’t know everything about your world just yet. But … what are you saying, exactly? That with this pillar destroyed, Hamish is stuck as a dog?’

  ‘He is,’ Peter replied. ‘And to top it all off, Diane has gone away to join her mother in rehab, so he’s especially low right now. But enough about your new friends. We want to ask you …’

  The door suddenly opened, and he trailed off, looking up as Cullen Keats walked in. Cullen grabbed the chair from behind Shirley’s desk, dragging it over and glaring my way. ‘Pixie piddle, lads! If you’d told me the hunter would be at the meeting I’d have turned up even later.’

  I clenched my jaw, returning his glare. ‘Yeah? Well, if I knew you were going to be here, I’d have baked a cake. And then I’d have shared it with everyone but you.’

  ‘Now, now, children,’ said Finn with a worried grin. ‘Let’s just keep things calm, okay? Katy, this is Agent Keats
. He’s one of ours.’

  ‘Aw gee, really?’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Yeah, I figured that out, too. Seeing as Agent Idiot wore his disempowerment thingy where everyone could see.’ I smirked at Cullen. ‘I’m guessing that when Jonathan stayed back to buy that bottle of Diane’s favourite wine, he also told you that the fake dinner date was earlier than he’d agreed with us. That way, he could get you there early, kill you before we arrived, and blame all of the murders on you. Considering how rude you’ve just been, I’m almost sorry I stopped him.’

  Cullen’s eyes rounded. ‘She … I …’

  Finn and Peter laughed loudly. ‘Wow,’ said Finn. ‘You sure do cop on quickly, Katy. You’re right. Cullen got suspicious because, although Jonathan and Nedina were having a very loud and unsubtle conversation about Jonathan’s fake dinner date with Diane, when Jonathan stayed on to buy some wine, he outright told Cullen that Diane was already at his flat and they were going to spend the entire afternoon together. What Cullen should have done at that point was call us in, but instead he went to Jonathan’s flat alone.’

  Cullen gave Finn a moody look, then said, ‘How was I to know he’d get one over on me? I thought it’d be a doddle. I mean, the chap is a Plimpton.’

  ‘Hey!’ Finn scowled. ‘I’m a Plimpton.’ He glanced my way. ‘No relation to Jonathan, in case you’re wondering. It’s a coven name, not a family one.’

  He turned back to Cullen. ‘But … I get your point. Jonathan came across as a spoiled but dumb rich kid. Turns out, he was cleverer than we thought. But it all worked out in the end, thanks to Katy. I think that even you’d have to admit she’d make a good addition to our Samhain Street team. She kept your cover even after she cottoned on that you were one of us. Most people make bad decisions under pressure, but Katy did exactly the right thing.’

  Seeing as Cullen’s face didn’t look nearly as grateful as it ought, I said, ‘Honestly, I was just surprised to find out that you weren’t a warlock who’s served time in prison. You seemed to fit the part so well.’

  ‘Actually …’ He rubbed the back of his neck. ‘All of that’s true. I became a warlock years ago, and I might have spent a stint or two in Witchfield. But that’s not me anymore. Finn gave me a chance to work undercover, infiltrating the Warlock Society. Then, when Diane’s boyfriends started dying, I wound up working that case too. Right up until you and your little friends nearly got me killed.’

  ‘I saved your life!’

  ‘Maybe,’ Cullen said grudgingly. ‘But you all thought I was the murderer!’

  ‘No. We suspected. If you’re going to go around acting like a grumpy creep, then you have to expect that sooner or later people will assume that’s exactly what you are.’

  His nose twitched, and he turned back to Finn. ‘You’re not serious about her working with us, are you, Captain? Please tell me she’s only here because you’ve finally arrested her and her stupid uncle. I mean, her dad’s in Witchfield, isn’t he? So why not her?’

  ‘You know that I very rarely joke, Cullen,’ said Finn. ‘Katy happened upon our meeting by accident, but we were going to hire her. If she’s interested, of course. My plan is that she’ll stay at Ned’s, under the cover of working as a PI, whilst really she’ll be weeding out the bad from the good on Samhain Street. And, when necessary, she’ll help us keep her uncle in check, too.’

  He wiggled his brows in my direction. ‘So how about it, Katy? I mean, the downside is that you’ll have to work with Cullen once in a while. Do you think that the two of you can manage to get along?’

  ‘Cullen?’ I said blearily, shaking my head and standing up. ‘I don’t give a crap about Cullen. What I’m more interested in right now is … since when has my dad been in Witchfield?’

  26. Not Your Typical Aurameter

  Witchfield Prison was just like every other prison. Well, like every other prison that exists in a constantly-shifting supernatural sub-dimensional region. Its regularly changing position was apparently meant as a deterrent against escape attempts and any other magical tinkering. It also meant that getting there made my stomach heave. To be fair to the prison, though, I think I would have been sick even without such an uncomfortable journey, because the thought of seeing my dad after all these years was giving me the jitters.

  As Peter Müd explained the situation, I was beginning to wonder if all of the men in my family were idiots. My father had been in here for over a year, ever since he’d murdered some women he mistakenly believed were witches. When he finally attempted to murder a real witch (who also happened to be half-faery – because that’s the kind of world I lived in now), he found his skills were no match for hers. Since his arrest, the Wayfarers had linked him to numerous other murders – none of those victims were supernatural in any way, although my father had believed that they were.

  He had been touring with Dean Danger and the Danger Boys in between killing sprees, though, so I suppose I couldn’t declare him an outright liar.

  As we were both witch hunters, extra precautions had to be taken. I was thoroughly searched, and forced to leave all of my belongings in a locker. I was disempowered by one of the guards, too – it was a just-in-case measure, apparently.

  When I was done with the pointless disempowerment, Peter gave me an apologetic smile. ‘We’ve recently learned a few things about witch hunters, Katy. Your father’s aura proves him to have, among many other unusual qualities, quite a strong amount of power. Basically, years of use of magical objects has turned him into a wizard. Hunters are turning out to be quite the unknown quantity. And as two of you are about to be in contact, precautions must be taken.’

  Those precautions meant that we couldn’t meet in the usual visiting room. Instead, we were in a heavily guarded cell, surrounded by the same sorts of wavering bars Jonathan had used when he caged Nedina, Hamish and Cleo. Also, we were separated by a thin, clear piece of something rather like glass.

  ‘Just in case there’s a possibility of power transference.’ Peter cleared his throat and moved to the back of the cell. ‘I’m afraid I can’t leave you in privacy, but I’ll keep quiet.’

  ‘Sure,’ I muttered. ‘You and the twenty other guards.’

  As I spoke, I saw two men lead my father into the cell, seating him on the other side of the glass. I studied him carefully. His hair was slightly greying, but he seemed to have gotten his hands on some fake tan.

  ‘Hello,’ he said, smiling at me. ‘It’s my little Cathy, after all these years! Come to see your old man, finally?’ He laughed awkwardly. ‘Oh, I’m only joking. I know you couldn’t have come to see me before now.’

  ‘I couldn’t,’ I replied, wondering when, exactly, my voice had decided to go all squeaky. ‘But then again, it’s not as though it’s your time in here that’s kept us apart, is it? You were a free man up until just over a year ago, and yet I haven’t seen you since I was five.’

  ‘Hey! That’s not very nice, Cathy!’

  ‘It’s Katy, not Cathy,’ I retorted. I was glad to discover that anger had driven the nervousness from my voice. ‘And I guess the truth can hurt, can’t it?

  He didn’t appear to be listening. He’d caught sight of his reflection in the glass and was busy smoothing down his hair. ‘Listen,’ he said. ‘I heard the guards talking. It can’t be true, can it? They’re not really trying to convince you to work for them, are they? And if they are, well … please tell me you’re only pretending to go along with it. That it’s a cunning plan to take them down from the inside. They’re bad, Cathy. To the bone.’

  I spoke through a clenched jaw. ‘It’s Katy! And speaking of the way you belittle women … when’s the last time you saw Jude?’

  ‘Aunt Jude? No idea. It’s not been long enough, if you ask me. I mean, where does she get off, thinking a woman could be a hunter? She even tried to teach me and my brother a thing or two. The cheek of her.’

  ‘Yeah, well I won’t try the same. It would only fall on deaf ears. Look, Jude’s Toolkit turned up a while ago a
t Faster’s. Have you any idea why that would be?’

  He narrowed his eyes. ‘Are they making you ask these questions, Cathy? Because you can stand up to them, you know. You’re a hunter. You were born to kill these people.’

  I raised a brow. ‘Even though I’m a woman?’

  ‘Well, all right,’ he amended. ‘When I said you were born to kill them, I suppose I meant you could help by making tea for the men while they hunt the witches. But it amounts to the same. You’re one of us. You can’t work for them, Cathy. I won’t allow it.’

  I gave him a tight smile and tried to keep my composure. I wasn’t sure how I’d expected this meeting to go. I hadn’t expected him to apologise for all his wrongdoings and beg for my forgiveness. But I also hadn’t expected to feel so disappointed.

  ‘Allow it?’ I said, standing up. ‘I’d like to see you try and stop me.’ I turned to Peter. ‘Come on. I think I’m done here.’

  ≈

  A short while later, I sat in Peter Müd’s office, drinking a heavily-sugared tea and nibbling on a custard cream. We’d travelled back in a carriage that moved with magical speed, and was drawn by what looked like horses, but what Peter assured me were actually Púca in shifted form. Oh, and it had also been invisible so that no one outside the bookshop would notice our unusual arrival. My mind was well and truly boggled.

  ‘So what now?’ he asked. ‘It’s up to you, Katy. I can wipe your memory of your time in Samhain Street and you can get back to your old life. Or … you can take us up on our offer. As Captain Plimpton explained, you’d continue as you are in Ned’s flat. You’d run your PI agency with little to no interference from us. But any time a case came your way that seemed like it might be a little shady, we’d expect to be involved. Of course, you’d have to maintain your cover at all times. You couldn’t tell any of your new friends that you’re working for us. Unfortunately, people on Samhain Street have a bad relationship with the Wayfarers.’