Old-School Witch Read online

  ‘Um … unfortunately, I need to talk to that drunken woman quite urgently,’ I said. ‘Maybe another time?’

  The broom wriggled irritably in my hands.

  ‘I happen to know,’ said Amelia, leaning close, ‘that there’s an open spot with only four other learners and nary a drunken vampire in sight tomorrow evening. You on?’

  The broom wriggled again, but this time I was sure it was more of an excitable wriggle. ‘We’re on,’ I said. ‘And at least one of us is looking forward to it.’

  ≈

  It didn’t take long to find Rita – she was the one arguing loudly because the barman had given her the wrong champagne.

  ‘Oh hey, Rita,’ I said, sitting beside her at the bar while her drink was changed. ‘Or should I say Viviana?’ I smiled at the barman. ‘Can I get an orange juice, please?’

  She hiccupped, almost fell off her stool, and then said, ‘Oh, ish you! Garcshis minnen.’

  ‘Excuse me?’

  She took a long glug of her champagne, hiccupped again and said, ‘I said “Oh, it’s you. Grace’s minion.”’

  As the barman handed me my juice, I shrugged. ‘I’ve been called worse. How are you, Viviana? I was sorry that you got let go like that.’

  She snorted. ‘No you weren’t. You were just sorry that you’d have to answer your own phone for a change.’

  Technically, I’d answered my phone more while she was working there, but I didn’t bother to point that out.

  ‘I didn’t need that job anyway, so you can go and tell Miss Starchy Knickers the next time you see her. I don’t need any job, because I’m a very rich vampire!’

  ‘Yeah, I know all about that, which is why I’ve been calling you Viviana,’ I said. ‘So what was going on with that? Were you spying on us, for some reason? Because you sure didn’t seem like you were interested in being a receptionist.’

  ‘Hah! Of course I wasn’t! I’ll tell you what I am interested in, though. The most talented puzzle writer in the world, that’s who.’ Her voice took on a wistful quality, and she ran a finger around the rim of her glass as she spoke. ‘He’s just so clever. And gorgeous. And have you heard him sing?’

  ‘You’re talking about Roarke, I take it?’

  She held up her hand to the barman. ‘Another drink for me and my friend,’ she said. ‘And put some alcohol in hers.’

  The barman raised a brow. ‘Sure. I guess I’ll have a red wine,’ I told him. I could sip at it slowly, while I figured out how to get Viviana to talk.

  ‘Anyway, to return to our conveshatshun.’ She was beginning to slur again. ‘Yesh. It wash Roarke why I wash working there. Heesh … heesh …’ Her next drink arrived, and she paused to take a swig. Wiping her lips, she said, ‘Roarke is a very fine-looking young man. I just wanted to be near him.’

  I did my best to keep my amazement to myself. Was it just me, though, or did Viviana sound less drunk every time she had more to drink? Fascinating.

  ‘Well, I was sorry to see you go, anyway,’ I said. ‘If it’s any consolation, Grace is … well … she’s not exactly known for her easygoing nature. You were the fourth receptionist in as many weeks, and I’m sure there’ll be quite a few more before the role is filled.’

  ‘No skin off my nose,’ she said. ‘Hey, I’ve had a lot of missed calls and messages from that boyfriend of yours. Detective Quinn.’

  ‘I won’t pretend I don’t know about it, Viviana. In fact, we’ve just been speaking with your husband.’

  ‘My husband!’ Her hands went to her mouth. ‘Don’t tell him I was here, will you? He thinks it’s beneath a vampire to fly on a wizard broom. But I like it. I fly through the air, drunk as a skunk, imagining that Roarke is in front of me and I have my arms around his lovely, chubby waist. And then …’

  I shook my head. ‘I don’t really need to know what happens next in that little fantasy, Viviana.’

  She scowled. ‘I prefer to be called Rita. Stupid Roger with his stupid names. You can bet I don’t fantasise about him. I mean, you saw how he dresses, right? Like some cartoon vampire. And they all dress like that, those stupid Knights of Darkness. It makes me sick, the things they get up to.’

  I eyed her with interest. ‘What sorts of things?’

  She looked forlornly at her glass. It was empty again. ‘Wha wash I shaying? You’re very purty, do you know that?’ She reached out and patted my head. ‘You haven’t been kishing Roarke, have you? Becosh heesh mine. He doesn’t know it yet, but heesh mine I tell you, mine!’

  Oh dear. I waved for more champagne and topped her up.

  ‘You were telling me about the Knights of Darkness.’

  She swallowed and looked away. ‘No I wasn’t. I wouldn’t do that. Anyway, shouldn’t you be asking me about the school? It’s because me and Roger – I mean Konstantin – went there that you’re questioning us, right? You think it’s somehow connected to Ben Busybody’s death.’

  I pulled out the yearbook photo. ‘What do you remember about the school, Rita? Was there anything sinister going on there?’

  ‘Sinister? It was a school for supernatural children, there were lots of sinister things going on.’ I was glad to see her speech was back to normal. ‘But what you’re really asking about is the fire, I take it?’ Her shoulders heaved, and she looked at the bar, seeming more down than I’d ever seen her. ‘Here’s the thing, Miss Smith. I’d forgotten all about that school until recently, and I’d rather it stayed that way. I wasn’t happy there. I mean, I met my husband there, for Dracula’s sake. Who could be happy about that? Me, him and Jack were a right little trio, but that was in the past. These days, I can barely stand to look at either of them.’

  I tapped the photo urgently. ‘Jack? Jack Burns? You remember him?’

  ‘Of course I do.’ Her nose wrinkled up. ‘I mean, I see him every day. Still following my husband around like a puppy, just like when we were kids. Of course, he gets paid to do it now, so I guess that’s something. I jush wish …’ Her eyes started to droop. ‘I jush wish I washn’t so shleepy.’

  ‘Rita.’ I shook her gently by the shoulders and handed her some more champagne. ‘Rita, are you saying Jack Burns works for your husband?’

  She took a long drink and then said. ‘Well, of course he does. But these days he calls himself Radu.’

  18. The Butler Did It?

  ‘Do they know we’re on the way?’ I asked.

  Dylan was driving faster than normal, taking the bends on Forest Road in a way that made my stomach lurch. ‘No. Best we spring this on them as a surprise.’

  Greg, who was sitting in the back, held up his camera. ‘Well, I have this ready, so do you want me to get a snap of his aura when he answers the door, or do you want me to wait?’

  ‘Do you have anything more discreet?’ asked Dylan.

  Greg sniggered. ‘Do weredogs like chocolate soymilk? Of course I’ve got something more discreet.’ He slipped on a pair of glasses. ‘I’ve just finished working on these babies, but if I give them the tiniest touch, they take photos of whatever I look at and send the file straight to my computer.’

  While I marvelled at Greg, Dylan turned slightly in his seat and said, ‘So the hen night is tomorrow?’

  ‘You know it is. Are you guys going to Ron’s stag do?’

  Greg and Dylan shuddered in harmony. ‘Jared asked us to go along to stop him punching his dad,’ said Greg. ‘So that should be fun.’

  ‘So tonight you don’t really need to be at the Vander Inn?’ Dylan questioned. ‘Pru’s got everything in hand?’

  I looked out the window, feigning interest in a passing bird. ‘Well, actually she needs my help with a few things.’ That was true – ish. Pru did need some help, but it was really Jared I wanted to see tonight. The second he got back from his date with Miss Eager, I was going to pounce.

  ‘Oh.’ He sounded like he was trying hard to cover up his disappointment. ‘Well, we’ll have lots of time together after the wedding.’

  ‘If it ev
en goes ahead.’ Greg shrugged defensively as I stared at him. ‘What? They’ve had a lot of cancelled nuptials over the centuries – usually thanks to Ron.’ He sat forward and peered at the road. ‘Stoker House up ahead.’

  ‘Crap,’ said Dylan. ‘The gates are closed. It’s a bit difficult to have the element of surprise when the guys at the gates are going to announce our arrival.’

  ‘I know,’ I agreed. ‘Radu is probably running through some secret tunnels as we speak.’

  After a few questioning grunts from the guards, the gates creaked open and we made our way down the winding drive. I knew that there were Wayfarers hidden all around the outskirts of the property, and they had eyes and ears on Dylan, too. So if things didn’t go well, at least we’d have back-up.

  I muttered some spells of my own as we neared the front door. I might not like my lessons with my grandmother, but even I wasn’t too stubborn to admit she’d taught me a lot. It was good to know that the Wayfarers were close – but it was even better to know that with the lock-down spell I was performing, no one could leave this house unless I said so.

  ‘Well, I for one hope that Roger and Radu have some amazing excuses for why they covered up the fact that Radu is actually Jack Burns,’ said Dylan. ‘Because honestly? If I have to go to the Wyrd Court and say “The butler did it,” I’ll never live it down.’

  ≈

  ‘The master was not expecting you,’ said Radu as he drew open the door. ‘He has only just awoken, but he would be happy to receive you in his nest. It is in the basement, of course. I hope none of you are uncomfortable with damp, dark spaces.’

  ‘Oh, we love damp, dark spaces,’ said Dylan. ‘And could you bring us some drinks after you show us down there, Radu? Water from the tap will do if the only other available drink is blood.’

  Radu bowed low. ‘I think I might be able to lay my hands on some coffee.’

  He led us to a large, ornate door near the back of the property and, as he opened it, it was creakier than the main door and the gates put together. I was convinced there must be some sound effects at work. He pulled a light switch, and we found ourselves staring at a long, stone staircase, with sconces on the walls.

  As we walked down the steps, I whispered, ‘You didn’t tell Radu we wanted to talk to him.’

  ‘No,’ said Dylan. ‘We’ll spring it on him when he brings us our coffee. I want to see what Roger has to say for himself first. You didn’t seem as put out as I thought you would be at the mention of Roger’s nest.’

  I gave him a nonchalant shrug. ‘To be honest, I’m always more surprise to meet vampires who walk around in the daylight like it’s nothing. Human TV has not taught me well.’

  ‘I love human TV shows,’ said Greg. ‘The vampires in them are so camp.’

  ‘Wait till you meet this guy,’ I drawled.

  When we reached the bottom of the steps, Roger slash Konstantin was sitting up in a coffin, drinking from a silver goblet. His fangs were out, and it looked to me like he was making every effort to get as much blood on the surrounds of his mouth as possible.

  ‘Vell, vell, vell,’ he said. ‘You have returned. I vas not expecting you.’

  ‘Oh, we just had one or two more questions for you,’ said Dylan, his eyes straying to the stairs behind us. We could hear Radu, making his way down. Dylan pulled out the yearbook again, approaching Roger. ‘So … have you remembered anything else about the school? We’re particularly interested in your thoughts on who this third kid might be.’ He pulled out the yearbook photo and pointed. ‘This boy here. J. Burns. Have you remembered him yet?’

  ‘Hmm.’ He got himself out of his coffin (quite awkwardly, I might add) and then laid his goblet aside and tapped his chin. ‘I’m afraid not. I’ve tried, of course. But as you have no doubt deduced, there’s clearly a memory spell at work here. A strong one, too, to have affected a vampire of my calibre.’

  ‘Yeah, it really is funny,’ I said. ‘Especially seeing as Viviana remembered both of you when I spoke to her this evening.’

  Shock fell over his features, and he (for some reason I can’t explain) hissed like a cornered animal and pulled his cloak up around his face. I’m not sure what he expected to happen – maybe he thought he’d turn into a bat, or vaporize in some amazing way – but he stayed put.

  He lowered his cloak again and tried to look as though he hadn’t failed. Maybe a nicer person would have let him away with it, but I guess I’m not that nice.

  ‘Something wrong with your super-vamp powers, Roger? Because even Dylan could fly and go all batty when he was a vampire. And he was just an inferior dayturner.’

  Roger glared, then bit his lip with his teeth and winced. He retracted his fangs and, when he spoke again, all traces of his Transylvanian accent were gone. ‘You did something,’ he said. ‘I’ve heard all about you and the strange things that happen when you’re around. The rumour is you’re one of the sióga.’

  I smiled sweetly. ‘I have done something,’ I said. ‘I’ve put a lock-down spell on the house, so you can’t escape. But I didn’t stop you batting out or vaporizing. To be honest, I was looking forward to see you bump into the windows while you attempted to escape.’ I sighed. ‘Why are you attempting to escape, though? That’s what I don’t quite understand. Have you done something other than lie about the photograph?

  Radu had reached us, and he held a tray with three coffees in front of him. Instead of taking his drink, Dylan stared at Radu. ‘Is that your real name then? Radu? Because from what we’ve heard, it’s Jack Burns.’

  Radu’s lips trembled. ‘I … it was not … we felt that it was not a very vampire-like name. Master requested I change it, and I agreed.’

  He was shaking so much that he dropped the tray to the ground. Coffee spilled everywhere, but at least it covered up the smell of the blood.

  ‘Radu,’ I said softly. ‘You’re the third surviving child from this school fire, aren’t you?’

  He nodded frantically. ‘Yes. Yes, I am. It was me. I did it.’

  ‘Did what, Radu?’

  He sank to his knees. ‘Please, don’t arrest my master. He has no idea what I’ve done.’

  ‘Then why did he lie for you?’ questioned Greg.

  ‘B-because I compelled him to lie. He knew nothing about any of this. I meant to compel Viviana too, but I didn’t get the chance. It was me, it was all me. I decided to bring that box to the car boot sale. I wanted people to remember. I wanted to own up, finally. The fire was my fault. All my fault, and no one else’s.’

  Dylan whistled. ‘You set the fire? You killed all those other kids?’

  ‘Y-yes. They were less than us, you see. Inferior. But we had to go to school with them, instead of attend with the witches, as should have been our place. But after all these years, I felt guilty. I was still too afraid to come clean, so I thought that the yearbook would start people asking questions again and I–’

  ‘Radu.’ I held up a hand to interrupt him. ‘Why did everyone forget?’

  ‘I … I compelled everyone to forget,’ he said. ‘Everyone who was alive at the time.’

  ‘Really? I find that a bit far-fetched,’ I said. ‘You, a child, managed to compel everyone in Riddler’s Edge and Riddler’s Cove to forget about the school, and about the fire? You expect me to believe that you compelled even vampires more powerful than yourself?’

  He shrugged. ‘Believe what you like. That’s what I did. I was a very powerful child. But … afterwards, I became so guilt-ridden that I changed my name and came to work for Roger. I didn’t think I deserved better than to be his dogsbody. It was a self-imposed punishment.’

  ‘Konstantin!’ hissed Roger. ‘My name is Konstantin.’

  Dylan ignored Roger and looked incredulously at the butler. ‘So let me get this straight. You set the school aflame so you could murder all the kids who weren’t vampires. Then you compelled everyone to forget about it. Next, you felt so guilty that you left education and became your friend’s whippin
g boy. But for some reason, all these years later, you decided you wanted people to know after all, so you took the yearbook to a car boot sale. In Riddler’s Edge, where it was as likely to be found by a human as a supernatural. Or not even bought at all.’

  ‘Actually,’ interrupted the butler, ‘nothing in my plan was accidental. I’m far too clever to leave something like this up to chance. I very specifically chose Ben Goodfellow. I didn’t even have the box of bric-a-brac on the table until I saw him. I knew his reputation as a busybody. That he’d be alike a dog with a bone. If anyone would dig up the truth of what I did, I knew it would be Ben.’

  ‘All right, all right.’ Dylan let out a sigh of exasperation. ‘So what then, Mister Clever Clogs?’

  ‘Th-then I decided that I’d been foolish. I panicked, I suppose. I decided I didn’t want Ben to discover the school after all. I didn’t want to spend my life in Witchfield. I mean, all these years with Roger – hasn’t that been punishment enough?’

  I agreed with him there.

  ‘So I killed that Goodfellow man, hoping that that would be the end of it. But he’d told everyone. They were going to look into the school anyway and probably discover I was the murderer. So I killed that woman. Norma from the shop in Riddler’s Edge. I forged a note making it look like she’d killed Ben Goodfellow. I tricked her – told her I had some information about the old school, and that I just wanted to talk. And then I drove the needles into her neck so fast she never saw it coming.’

  That sounded feasible, I supposed. If Marnie had been taken by surprise, thinking that Radu was there to give her some information, then she wouldn’t have had the time to use magic to defend herself. Roger might not be any great shakes, but most other vampires could move very quickly.

  ‘You can test my handwriting,’ he went on. ‘I didn’t force Norma to write the note, I wrote it myself. And I’m sure that I probably left some fingerprints behind me as well.’

  I looked carefully at him. For someone so clever and powerful, he seemed to have left an awful lot of convenient evidence in his wake. ‘That all sounds a bit sloppy, don’t you think? And if you’re as powerful as you were when you were a kid,’ I said, ‘then why not use your telekinetic power to kill her? And why not compel everyone to forget the whole thing again?’