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  Winging It

  Wayfair Witches Book Four

  by A.A. Albright

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organisations, places, events and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously.

  Text Copyright © A.A. Albright 2017

  All Rights Reserved

  No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the author.

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  Website: https://aaalbright.com

  Table of Contents

  1. Candace’s Kitty

  2. The Hungry Hippy

  3. Benny and the Jeffs

  4. Good Gretel

  5. Flying Low

  6. Of Rats and Men

  7. Plimpton’s Brooms

  8. Hybrid

  9. Godbody House

  10. Going Batty

  11. Cheese Wizard

  12. Old Ma Flowers

  13. The Bloodbath

  14. Snowy Hollow

  15. Chaos Chasm

  16. How to Lose Friends and Irritate People

  17. Seeing Stars ... and Lights

  18. Race to the Bottom

  19. The Stranger in the Tavern

  20. No Small Matter

  21. Behind the Curtain

  22. Call in the Cavalry

  23. The Cat’s Out of the Bag

  24. One Week Later

  1. Candace’s Kitty

  My name is Wanda, but you can call me a pessimist if you like. The thing is, I was having a good run. You know the sort – when there are days or even weeks in a row where you feel like you’re on Easy Street.

  I finally had the permission of the Minister for Magical Law to take on cases with the rest of my coven. I’d been Wanda Wayfair all my life, but now I actually was a Wayfair, tracking down wayward witches like a pro and sending a steady stream of ne’er-do-wells to Witchfield Prison. I was getting along marvellously with my coven and with my housemate. And as for my new boyfriend, Gabriel ... well, I was getting along okay-ish with him.

  Things were as close to perfect as they had ever been – which is exactly why the pessimist in me knew that something foul was coming my way. But I didn’t think that, when it came, it would arrive in the form of a fluffy white kitten.

  I’ll give you the low-down. That afternoon, I was in the middle of arresting a witch for selling love potions to humans, when I heard a meowing on the street outside. The kitten was white, fluffy – incredibly so – and wearing a diamante collar and little pink booties. She was also wearing a yoghurt carton on her head, but I don’t think it was a deliberate addition. I admired her booties. I cuddled her (a lot). But mostly, I felt a wave of inexplicable unease wash over me. I couldn’t shake the notion that the reason for my pessimism was soon to be revealed.

  Now, seeing as familiars generally come to me to help me solve their witches’ murders, you might think a sense of unease was natural – sensible even. But this was something different. For one thing, the white kitten hadn’t come to help me solve a murder. She had come to tell me that her witch was missing. And the witch in question was someone I knew – a girl called Candace.

  ‘Excuse me,’ I said, staring at the kitten. ‘Did you just say your witch’s name was Candace?’

  The kitten nodded nervously. ‘Yes. Candace Plimpton.’

  Colour me not shocked. I hadn’t bothered to find out what coven Candace was a member of. She acted like a Plimpton, so I assumed she was a Plimpton. Turns out I was right. But it wasn’t this gorgeous kitten’s fault her witch was a member of one of my least favourite covens. It was a misfortune that could befall even the cutest among us.

  ‘And Candace is missing?’ I asked, trying to bring things on track.

  ‘Yes. Candace is missing. She disappeared ...’ The kitten half-closed its eyes, doing the most adorable inner-counting I had ever seen. ‘... three days ago. I’ve tried and tried but they won’t tell me anything. And I know you don’t like Candace, and that she hasn’t been very nice to you. But you’re a good person. I told her so. I know you’ll help.’

  Well, I guess it made sense that the kitten would know all about the hate-hate relationship which Candace and I endured. Familiars tended to know pretty much everything that their witch was up to. But as I gazed into the eyes of that gorgeous little creature, I suddenly felt guilty about my feelings for her witch.

  See, Candace is what you might call my nemesis – one of them, anyway. I mean, she’s never tried to kill me, at least not that I know of. We met while I was suffering through a series of classes set by the Minister for Magical Law. Candace was excellent with a wand, had amazingly shiny hair, and sneered in my general direction every chance she got.

  But despite the sneering, and the smugness, and the far-too-perfect hair, she was a ten-year-old kid. Possibly the most annoying ten-year-old kid in the universe, but still ...

  ‘It doesn’t matter what I think about Candace. I’m a Wayfair. Even if we do hold grudges, we don’t let them affect our work. When you say “they won’t tell me anything” who exactly are you talking about?’

  The kitten buried her head against my chest. ‘Her mam and dad. They’re big fat liars and they won’t tell me where she is, but I know she’s missing. I know she is. You have to help me, Wayfarer. You have to.’

  I frowned and pulled my phone from my pocket, quickly dialling my mother. A two-minute conversation ensued, wherein she asked me if I’d had a decent breakfast, if I was getting enough sleep, and if I’d be coming for a hot meal any time this week. Somewhere in amongst it all, I managed to establish that Candace had most definitely not been reported missing.

  ‘But I’ll talk to Finn,’ my mother added, naming the captain of the Peacemaking force. ‘You know how some people are – they prefer to deal with the Peacemakers.’

  ‘It’s okay. I’m on my way to the Wyrd Court with a witch right now. I’ll try and catch Finn while I’m there.’

  After another few seconds of being told to wrap up warm and to take my vitamins, I finally managed to bid goodbye to my mother.

  ‘Okay, Kitty – actually, what’s your name? I can’t keep calling you Kitty.’

  The kitten purred. ‘Why not? It is my name.’

  ‘Oh. That’s ... handy, I suppose. Anyway, Kitty, you’ve got to tell me – if Candace has gone missing, then how come no one’s reported it?’

  The kitten began to shake. ‘I wish I knew. But something has happened. Something bad. I feel it in my bones.’

  Okay, so this was going to take some time to unravel.

  ‘Look, I’ve got a criminal to take in for processing right now. So just tell me – is Candace in any immediate danger?’

  The kitten shook her head. ‘I can sense her, so I don’t believe she’s in any physical danger, no. But moral danger for certain.’

  ‘Right. Well then let me just get this pesky witch booked in, and we’ll deal with Candace’s moral quagmire as soon as I’m done.’

  I marched back into the shop, zapped the boxes of illegal potions over to the Wyrd Court, grabbed a hold of the wayward witch, and snapped my fingers.

  ≈

  The Wyrd Court was a mad house when I arrived. I passed at least a dozen other Wayfairs bringing in criminals – and not just wayward witches. Since the recent, ahem, kerfuffle, in which quite a few Peacemakers had aided one of their own in murder, planting evidence, creating a false prison break, insert various other evil-doings here ... there had been a bit of a shake-up. Twenty Peacemakers had been outright fired, fifteen were under arrest for the aforementioned dastardly deeds, and an
other hundred had been suspended pending an investigation.

  Basically, there were sod all Peacemakers – which meant that crime went up a gazillion-fold (not exaggerating), and my coven had to step in and pick up the slack.

  Despite the pandemonium, and the inconvenient matter of my impending sense of doom, I was thriving. The more work, the better, as far as I was concerned. Nothing like learning on the job. Yeah, there was a bucket load of crime, but we were getting through it, and fast. And sure, there were riots on the streets every night, as put-upon supernaturals demanded an equal footing with witches. But things were improving, each and every day. It might have helped that the Wayfairs fared far better at keeping the peace than the Peacemakers ever had.

  I couldn’t see any sign of Finn, so I made my way towards Incoming (the desk where we booked in supernatural criminals). As soon as I arrived, the clock above the desk began to screech, ‘Lunchtime!’

  A couple of bedraggled Peacemakers – and a lot of incredibly capable Wayfairs – deposited their arrests in a holding pen and headed out the door. I was thinking of doing the same when I noticed that the person behind the Incoming desk was none-other than my best friend and fellow coven member, Melissa.

  Seeing me hovering there, she waved me towards her. ‘It’s okay. I’ll book him in before I take my break. Hey, maybe we could grab a bite together?’

  ‘Sounds good. How come you’re on the Incoming desk, anyway? Shouldn’t you be off getting coffee for the Minister or polishing her boots or something?’

  She gritted her teeth. ‘You’re telling me. That chamber session we’ve all been waiting for? Well, it’s finally happening. You know how our lovely Minister likes to announce these things, oh, five minutes before they’re due to begin. It’s going on in government chambers right now. The only time I’ve ever wanted to accompany that horrible witch anywhere, and it’s the one time I’m not welcome.’

  I whistled. ‘You mean Agatha is asking the Wyrd Court to pass her Equal Rights for Others Bill today?’ Agatha was up there with my mother when it came to women I wished I could be when I grew up a little more. She was the Magical History Professor at Crooked College, she held a seat on the Wyrd Court, and she was also a member of our coven. I wasn’t sure when she found time to sleep, but she certainly didn’t lack energy.

  ‘She is. And Finn has been asked to sit in, too, and lay out his Magical Law Amendment proposals.’

  I swallowed. We’d been itching to get these things through for ages now, and they were both before the Wyrd Court on the same day? ‘I see your frustration, and I raise it,’ I said. ‘I wish I could be there myself. I mean, I might be throwing a few flatulence spells at the Minister instead of taking notes if I were there, but still.’

  Melissa leaned across the desk. ‘You know a majority has to agree for either of these things to go to the next level,’ she murmured. ‘And even if Agatha and Finn get that majority, the Minister is going to push for a referendum.’

  I sighed. ‘Which will be taking place sometime in the very far future. I know. And I kind of agree with you. The Minister will push, but that doesn’t mean she’ll get. She’s only one person. She isn’t the be all and end all.’

  I sincerely hoped that what I was saying was true. What Finn and Agatha were asking for was only what was fair. Finn’s Peacemaking force needed serious overhauling, and to do that the Magical Law Act would need to be amended. And as for the Equal Rights for Others Bill ... surely no one in their right mind could argue with that one. Weredogs, wizards, unempowered witches and dayturning vampires had next to no rights at the moment. Almost everyone I spoke to agreed that the situation needed to change.

  ‘How long do you think it’ll take?’ I asked.

  Melissa gave a helpless shrug. ‘No idea. I’m trying to get on with the job and not think about it. Speaking of the job ...’ She looked my arrest up and down and wrinkled her perfect nose.

  I couldn’t say I faulted her reaction. His hair was dark brown and slicked back. His skin was covered in fake tan. There were a lot of muscles, but they had that look that glamour-magic muscles tend to have – they seemed real enough as long as you didn’t look too hard, and they turned you off, too, even though you couldn’t quite say why.

  ‘I take it he’s the reason for the boxes of potions that have just arrived in the evidence locker.’

  I nodded. ‘Yup. Melissa Wayfair, meet Johnny Goode.’

  ‘I seriously doubt he is,’ she quipped. Her eyes strayed to the kitten, who was peeking out of my pocket. ‘Oh my stars! You’re so fluffy!’

  ‘Yeah, that’s another case I’m working on. A brand new one, in fact,’ I told her, as I filled out the pile of forms necessary to book Johnny in. While I wrote, Melissa zapped him across to the opposite wall and took his photo.

  ‘There are no free interrogation rooms,’ she said over her shoulder. ‘So you won’t be able to question him until at least tomorrow morning. No free cells, either, so I guess we’ll somehow have to squeeze him into the holding pen until then.’

  She waved to the holding pen, where a werewolf and a vampire were shoving one another around. Their pen-mates stayed pressed up against the magical bars, deciding that the discomfort of being zapped by the bars was a better option than getting in the middle of that particular fight.

  I suppressed an irritated shriek. Johnny Goode might be selling illegal potions, but I doubted he was the one doing the brewing. Love potions like his took talent and finesse. Somehow, I doubted he was blessed with either. I needed to question him and I wanted to do it as soon as possible, before whoever was making those potions managed to sell even more.

  ‘I guess that’ll have to do,’ I grudgingly replied. ‘At least a night in the pen might give him some incentive to talk.’ What I didn’t say out loud, though, was that I only hoped he would survive the night.

  2. The Hungry Hippy

  After depositing Johnny Goode into the pen, we made our way to the Hungry Hippy for lunch. We wanted to go somewhere supernatural, so that no one would think it strange that we were talking to a cat. But we also wanted it to be far enough away from the Wyrd Court, so that we wouldn’t have to run into colleagues while we were trying to catch up. The Hungry Hippy, therefore, was the perfect choice.

  The eatery was on Poppy Lane, one of the many offshoots of Warren Lane, Dublin’s biggest witch enclave. I loved the Hungry Hippy. They never played Holly Golly’s music, even though every other establishment had played her non-stop since her recent murder. I mean, it’s fine to mourn, but music doesn’t get better just because a pop star is dead. They also had the best veggie food around, and they were happy to serve it to everyone and anyone. Considering the divisiveness in the supernatural world these days, it was a relief to be somewhere where none of that mattered.

  ‘So,’ I said, placing the kitten on the table after we’d ordered. ‘Do you feel up to telling us a bit more about Candace?’

  ‘Did you order me a bowl of milk?’

  ‘Yup,’ said Melissa. ‘And they’ve got some organic salmon in for fussy familiars, too.’ Melissa twirled an imaginary moustache. ‘Ve haf met all of your demands, little kitty. Now tell us vot ve vant to know.’

  The kitten giggled. Melissa and I did our very best not to grab her and cuddle her at the sound. But my stars! Was there anything about this creature that wasn’t adorable?

  ‘I feel like that’s the first time I’ve laughed for days,’ she said as her milk was placed on the table. She lapped up a little, wiped her mouth with her paw and said, ‘I’ll tell you everything. But there’s really not much to tell. Candace and I only met a few weeks ago. I’d just become her familiar a few days before Halloween, as it happens. We grew close very quickly. Candace took me everywhere. She brushed my fur, and I slept in a little cat bed next to her bed every night. Life was perfect.’

  ‘Or maybe purrfect?’ suggested Melissa.

  The kitten giggled again. ‘You’re right. It was purrfect. We were purrfect together
, me and Candace. And then we went to visit Everest. The Everest Climb is coming up, you see, and Candace is taking part. Her mother works somewhere in the area, so she would take Candace and I along now and then, so that Candace could get used to the course while her mother was busy at work. And ... well ... one of those days, Candace left me at the Snowy Inn while she and her mother went off together. I had a nice little bed by the fire with the other familiars, and so I just settled in and waited. But as the evening went on, and all of the other familiars were collected by their witches ... no one came for me.’ She sniffed. ‘Eventually, one of the hotel workers got through to Candace’s mother and passed the phone to me. I asked if everything was all right, and Candace’s mother just blew up at me. She said ... she said Candace wasn’t coming for me. She said she was bored of me, and realised she’d a mistake in allowing me to be her familiar. And then ... then she hung up the phone.’

  Melissa and I gasped. Even if Kitty didn’t happen to be as adorable as she was, it was hard to believe anyone could just leave her there like that. Abandoning a familiar was almost unheard of.

  ‘You’re very brave to tell us all of this,’ I said softly. ‘So what happened next? How did you get back to Ireland all by yourself?’

  The kitten took another few mouthfuls of milk before speaking. ‘Sorry. I haven’t eaten much lately. I stowed away on a plane. Then I caught the train and made my way to Candace’s house. But ... but they won’t let me in. I’ve tried to climb up to her bedroom window to see if she’s there. Because if she is there, like they say she is, then I need to ask her what I did wrong, why she left me. But they’ve got this dog, chained to the tree below her room. I don’t know where he came from, because they never had a dog before, and I can’t get past him. Candace could be there, I suppose. But if she is, then why wouldn’t she want to see me?’ The kitten looked plaintively at both of us. ‘I meant what I said before. I think something bad has happened to her. I think that her mother is lying.’