Lucky Witches Read online

  ‘No wine for me,’ I replied as he drank a glass in three big gulps. I chose to ignore his comments about dayturners. His opinion hardly came as a surprise. ‘And yes, it’s Miss Smith.’ I would not be asking this man to call me by my first name. ‘You seem very thirsty, Minister. Is everything all right?’

  He poured himself a second glass. ‘Why yes, everything’s fine. Just thirsty, like you say. I’m not remotely stressed or panicked about the responsibility I’ve just wished upon myself. Why would I be bothered that no one else seems to want me as Minister? Like I said, they voted for me back in February. Eighty-eight percent of them. They’ll soon remember.’

  I filled a glass of wine for myself and took a sip. I was beginning to think I’d need it. ‘But Minister Plimpton, you’ve just said that you wished this responsibility upon yourself. So surely you already know that the results of this recount are false. They’re nothing but a product of your wish.’

  He was halfway through his third glass of wine when he finally answered. ‘Yes,’ he said in a rasping voice. ‘I know that. I wish I’d never gone to that stupid casino. It was only because of what the Great Gwendoline said. She said my luck was about to change, you see. That I was coming to a crossroads. I mean, normally I wouldn’t listen to the Great Gwendoline, but the queue outside Madam Montague’s was too long. And I needed someone to tell me what I wanted to hear.’

  I pushed my glass aside. ‘So … you really did win two chaos coins, then.’

  ‘Chaos coins?’ He wrinkled his nose. ‘No, I won two wishing coins. Even I wouldn’t be stupid enough to make a wish on a chaos coin. Those kind of wishes cause nothing but mayhem, Miss Smith.’

  I looked around the room. Half of his staff were still in hiding, while the barman and Glenda were cleaning up broken glass and wiping up spills. ‘Yip. Chaos coins really do cause one hell of a mess,’ I drawled. ‘And if you know that much, then you probably also know that the wishes that chaos coins grant are … well … worthless. They’ll make the craziest things possible for a very short time – and drive the people who’ve wished for those things even crazier. And then …’ I blew out some air. ‘Poof! All gone. Like it never even happened.’

  He picked up the bottle and tipped back his head. He drank what remained in great gasping gulps, as much of it spilling over his suit as was going into his mouth. When he finished, he threw the empty bottle across the room, wiped his mouth and looked at me. ‘I’ve cocked up, haven’t I Miss Smith?’

  I sighed. ‘I’m afraid so. Darrell … you never had a genie, did you? You just made a couple of stupid wishes, like every other person who thought they’d gotten lucky at the Crossroads.’

  His eyes widened. ‘A genie! Miss Smith, if you know where there’s a genie, then I demand that you tell me! Now!’

  I stood up and moved slowly from the table. ‘I don’t know where there’s a genie, Darrell. I thought you did. But it’s becoming depressingly clear that that’s not the case. So thank you for your time. We’ll see ourselves out.’

  As Greg and I made our way to the door, the Minister stood up. ‘Arrest them!’ he cried out. ‘Arrest them now!’

  As the Peacemaker rushed in and pointed his truncheon, Greg gaped at Darrell. ‘Arrest us? For what?’

  The Minister strode towards us as the first electric shock hit. Good goddess, it was painful.

  ‘You’ve just given me the most perfect idea, Miss Smith. I have to kidnap a genie, break its lamp, and force it to make me Minister forever. But in the meantime … I can’t have you writing articles that make me look bad, now can I? But no need to worry – there are plenty more do-gooders behind bars just now. You won’t be short of company.’

  I wanted to say something smart – maybe something along the lines of, ‘I think you’ll find it impossible to get anyone to write an article that will make you look good.’ But the unfortunate thing about being electro-shocked by an enormous Peacemaker is that it tends to make smartarse comments a little more difficult than usual.

  17. Penned In

  I could see golden curls and red lipstick. Beyond that vision of loveliness, there were far too many more heads, each of them as blurry as the last.

  ‘Aisling! Aisling!’ The brusque voice was hurting my head.

  ‘Aisling!’ An elegant hand gently tapped my cheek. ‘Wake up!’

  A handsome face appeared next to the face with the red lipstick, and a husky voice said, ‘Hey gorgeous. Say, when are the broom and the cat getting here? Because we could really use a rescue round about now.’

  I sat up. ‘Jared … what … where …’

  ‘Oh, so you’ll come around for a handsome vampire but not for your irritable editor. Well, I suppose that makes sense.’ The brusque voice was speaking again, but this time I knew it was Grace. And if Jared was next to her and talking about needing to be rescued, then where in the world were we?

  I sat up, feeling like I’d had a thousand volts of electricity aimed at my body. Oh, wait a minute …

  ‘We got electro-shocked,’ I said. ‘Me and Greg. Where is Greg?’

  Grace and Jared stood aside, and I saw Greg seated on a narrow bench with Pru beside him. There were half a dozen more people crowded onto the bench, and another dozen people jostling for space on the dirty floor.

  ‘We’re in a cell!’ I gasped.

  ‘We are,’ Grace agreed. ‘We’re in the old holding pen in the Wyrd Court. It hasn’t been used for a few weeks, not since the Wayfarers opened their new headquarters. It hasn’t been cleaned in a few weeks, either.’

  Wow, those two hundred Peacemakers were sure working hard for their money, I thought. I looked at Jared. His hair was smoking. ‘You got hit with some volts too? What for?’

  He appeared to be cringing at the memory. ‘Me and Pru were fighting over one of Greg’s lollipops and one of us must have bumped against the cloak button in the Wizardly Wagon. Some Peacemakers saw us and hit out before we could respond.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Pru through a clenched jaw. ‘They were able to do that because a certain vampire left the window open.’

  ‘But why did they arrest you in the first place?’ I asked.

  ‘Because wizard tech is illegal as of about half an hour ago, and we happened to be inside the most advanced wizard tech in existence,’ said Jared. ‘Obviously.’

  ‘There are even more people in a temporary pen in the toilets,’ said Grace. ‘And some in the canteen. The Peacemakers might be happy to go along with this ridiculous new regime, but saner heads are not. Judge Redvein refused to send anyone to Witchfield, which is why she’s in here with us. And seeing as the Peacemakers already have thousands of non-criminals to process, we could be here for a while.’

  A woman in judge’s robes stood up. ‘I’m Judge Redvein, by the way. And Grace is right. Those idiots that Darrell Plimpton has convinced to work for him might be good at arresting people and roughing them up, but that’s about it. They haven’t got the magic between them to do a decent freezing spell, let alone figure out how to mass-transport us to Witchfield.’

  She waved her hands at the bars of the cell. ‘This holding pen is a massive disempowerment device. As long as we’re in it, we can’t do a thing.’ She pointed to the wavering air. ‘It works against vampires too, unfortunately. So your gorgeous boyfriend won’t be able to help, either. The people they’re holding elsewhere are cuffed with shackles that suppress magic. Basically, we’re all boned. But on a lighter note, the Peacemakers have overstretched themselves so much that they’re leaving us alone for now.’

  Grace nodded to each person around the pen, introducing the others. They seemed to be mostly lawyers, judges and politicians who had refused to acknowledge Darrell as their Minister. Sensible people.

  A stunning redhead called Melissa Wayfair stood up and shook my hand. ‘I never read the Daily Riddler until recently,’ she said. ‘But I’ve really been enjoying your articles. So much so that I’ve bought a yearly subscription. And don’t worry. My coven will
sort this mess out. Nothing holds the Wayfairs down.’

  I smiled at her. I knew all about the Wayfair coven. For years they had been responsible for witch criminals while the Peacemakers policed the other supernaturals. But when the Peacemakers had been given power over even witches, the Wayfairs had worked to bring the old regime down. It was their coven who had spearheaded the Wayfarer force, calling it after the law keepers of old – witches called Wayfarers who had wandered the land, fighting crime and … well, basically being heroes.

  ‘I hope so,’ said Grace. ‘But we can’t count on that. The Peacemakers took us all by surprise. Who knew there were so many psychos waiting in the shadows for things to turn in their favour again? I certainly underestimated them. They managed to take over within minutes, simply because no one was expecting it. But they were. Darrell won his chaos coins yesterday, and he bided his time, getting in touch with his old cronies before he made his wishes.’

  ‘Greg told you it was chaos coins?’ I asked.

  Grace shrugged her shoulders. ‘He told me, yes. But I already knew. I’ve seen chaos coins in action before. As soon as people started acting out of the ordinary I knew what was going on. When I heard the announcement about the recount, I came to the Wyrd Court to confront Darrell. Darrell wasn’t here, but plenty of Peacemakers were. They disempowered me and threw me in here before I even knew what was happening.’ She moved closer to me and lowered her voice. ‘I came on my own because I hoped I could keep you out of it. I know you’re not ready to let people know what you are. And if you use your magic to set us free, then everyone will know.’

  My magic. Of course. The holding pen might have been designed to suppress certain supernatural powers, but everything I’d learned so far suggested that nothing could suppress the sióga.

  Grace shook her head. ‘I can practically hear the cogs turning, Ash,’ she whispered. ‘But don’t attempt anything. Please. We’ll think of another way.’

  Pru stood up. There was a look on her face that told me her sensitive ears might just have picked up some parts of what Grace had said. But seeing as I was fully committed to telling her once this was all over, I decided not to worry.

  ‘So what are we going to do?’ she asked. ‘Greg’s already told us that Darrell Plimpton isn’t in control of the genie. That means someone else has a genie. Someone else is behind all of this, and we have no idea who it is – or why they’re doing it.’

  I winced as I stood up. ‘That’s true. But it’s good that Darrell only used coins. There’s a natural timespan before his wishes stop working. The chaos demon told me it would only be a couple of days.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Greg. ‘But now Darrell is out looking for a genie of his own. And if he manages to nab one, then this will go on for a lot longer than that. And Pru is right – we still don’t know the why of it all. I mean, what do chaos coins and genies have to do with Dylan’s lighthouse?’

  ‘Dylan’s lighthouse?’ said Melissa Wayfair. ‘You mean that sexy lighthouse that the even sexier detective owns?’

  Greg nodded. ‘The people who were watering Dylan’s plants – me included – have been in weird accidents. And one guy was even killed.’ He pointed out through the bars, at the clock on the far wall. ‘And it’s morning already. I’m late to go and check on the lighthouse.’

  Grace gritted her teeth. ‘You know what Dylan’s like. He’ll have someone else lined up to go in your place. But I can’t for the life of me think what watering his plants would have to do with all of this.’

  ‘Maybe it’s just a coincidence,’ said Jared, taking off his jacket and putting it around my shoulders. I wasn’t aware that I’d been shivering, but I really was chilly. Hopefully he hadn’t been reading my mind. ‘A weird coincidence, but a coincidence nonetheless.’

  ‘Maybe,’ said Greg. But he didn’t sound like he believed that. And I wasn’t sure anyone else did, either.

  ‘Okay,’ said Melissa. ‘We can’t be sure of any of that right now, so let’s just set it aside. As far as what’s going on with Darrell being Minister, and the Peacemakers taking over the policing … well, we have to assume the worst. His wishes might be about to run out soon, but he could find a genie to make this go on forever. So we need to act quickly.’

  She ran a hand through her hair. ‘Trapped in this building, and trapped in Witchfield, we have some of the bravest and most powerful supernaturals in Ireland. We have to get out, and we have to get the rest of the Wayfarers out. We can’t just hope this will fizzle out. We have to fight it.’ She looked up at the filmy bars. ‘I don’t suppose anyone in here happens to be a super smart wizard, one who is so talented that the Wayfarers have offered him millions of gold rounds for his technology?’ She flicked her hair and spun her gaze towards Greg. ‘Because if we had someone like that, then we might just be able to get ourselves out.’

  As Greg grew puce, I grinned at Melissa. She was the first member of the Wayfair coven I’d met, but if she was anything to go by, then they were my favourite coven of all.

  18. The Pharuncoinic Conductor Spring

  It turned out that the Peacemakers had been kind enough to smash Greg’s camera to pieces, and to throw it into the cell along with him. Their intention was undoubtedly to taunt him, but as he fished through the various bits and bobs on the floor, I saw a gleam in his eye that I really hoped meant he had thought of something.

  The rest of us pressed ourselves into one side of the cell (difficult, when it was important to avoid the magical bars that zapped you on contact) so that he had some room to work.

  He scratched his chin, the gleam in his eye growing brighter. ‘Ash,’ he said. ‘I need you to do something for me. You’re nearly as much of a tech head as I am, so you’re clearly the best choice.’

  My face was trying its best to crumple up in confusion, but I wrestled it into a placid smile. But … me? Good with technology? He must have been confusing me with anyone else in the world. Nevertheless, I tottered forward and kneeled down beside him.

  ‘Mm hmm,’ I said. ‘What do you need me to do?’

  He shuffled so close that I could smell the peanuts in his pocket. ‘I got the gist of the whispering Grace was doing a little while ago, and I agree. There’ll be a time to tell everyone you’re half sióga, but that time is not now.’

  ‘Yes, but what does that have to do with the price of a capable assistant?’ I said. ‘Because I’m not. Capable. And … are you? Is there actually some thingermagigger in your camera that can get us out of here?’

  He snorted. ‘As if! But there is a thingermagigger in the room that can do the job, and it’s called an Aisling.’

  ‘Hey! I’m not getting anyone out of here if you call me It again. I’m also not getting anyone out of here full stop because … well … I can’t.’

  ‘Okay, she’s called Aisling. And sometimes she’s called unreasonable and argumentative. And also, she can get us out of here.’ He held out what looked like little more than a tiny spring. ‘I’m going to hold this up to the far corner of this cell. See, where those wavery light rays look a bit more wavery than they do anywhere else.’

  I looked to where he was pointing. ‘Mm hmm. And then?’

  ‘And then I’m going to pretend that this spring is an incredibly technical piece of technology, which has managed to break the power matrix, shatter the magical containment field, and get us all out.’

  This time, my face couldn’t wrestle the bewilderment away.

  ‘Okay.’ Greg sighed. ‘While I hold this pointless little spring up against the central matrix of the cell, you’re going to concentre on it. You’re going to use all of that sióga magic you’ve got pent up inside. And when the cell’s bars stop working and we all break free, I’m going to take the credit. Sound fair?’

  I gave him a sweet smile. ‘Oh yes. Definitely. It also sounds like you’ll be buying the pizza every movie night for the foreseeable future. And the wine.’

  Greg held his hands up. ‘Now hang on a minute. Didn
’t you say we needed to be more healthy?’

  ≈

  I wasn’t actually averse to Greg’s plan. It was just as genius as he was, and it was also the only way we had of getting out without spilling the beans on my sióga powers. I just hoped I could actually pull my part off. I mean, sure, it wasn’t as difficult as holding a spring in the air and pretending to touch it against the magical power matrix thingy the way Greg was doing, but I was just going to have to muddle through.

  I knew that the sióga part of me could work against any magic witches might throw my way. It was that side of my magic that had managed to break free from the witch hunter’s thrall. And it was that side of me that had shattered the Singing Stone, back when Brent was trying to figure out whether I had any power at all.

  I also had the strong suspicion that it was sióga power that had sent Arnold Albright flying against the wall of his library.

  So all I needed to do was replicate what I’d done on those occasions, and do it again.

  Easy peasy. Because I totally knew how I’d managed those feats.

  I stared at the matrix, trying to see its power. Trying to see it in the fae way. It wasn’t dark power, so there was no green glow. But there was definitely a shimmer. I could see it, coming out in waves, emanating from one tiny point at the centre. The longer I looked, the more I could discern.

  I didn’t just see the shimmer. I saw the holes between the shimmer. I saw the tiny filaments that held the magic in place. I saw the magic. Little symbols flew through the air, like runes but different (trust me, I’d nerded out on every rune book in Grace’s library when I first found out I had magic). These symbols were all held within defined shapes. No … one defined shape. I gasped. I recognised that shape. It was a cell – an actual cell, like the hexagonal cells in a beehive.

  I gasped again because … well … I was seeing magic. In this moment of desperation, I had finally managed to whittle it down from a shimmer to these cells. But whilst I would have liked to be amazed by myself for a little while, I’d just have to bask in it another time. Because no matter how pretty all of the little shapes in all of the little cells might be, I knew that they were what was holding this place together. I knew that they were what was making sure I was the only one with an ounce of magic. So unfortunately … I was going to have to break them all.