Loved Up Page 9

  Gretel jumped up and down, grinning and clapping her hands. ‘I love Max! You and him will make such a good couple. Oh, but what about Emily?’

  I began to laboriously wipe the magic mirror, wondering how to answer. I couldn’t believe Dizzy, giving me away like that. I’d need to give him a good talking to later on. ‘The bat is mistaken,’ I said. ‘Me and Max spent the night in the same room because my mother had Max’s usual room in Wayfarers’ Rest all decked out for the arrival of Brigid. There was no hanky panky. There were separate beds. And there definitely isn’t a crush.’

  ‘Aw.’ Gretel sounded disappointed. ‘I mean, I suppose it’s just as well, for Emily’s sake. But I really do love Max. I mean, sure, Gabriel is handsome and charming, if that’s your thing. But Max is ... well ... he’s Max. And his teeth! Oh my goddess!’ She pretended to fan herself. ‘I do like a man with nice strong teeth.’

  I didn’t glower at her, much as I wanted to. But why Gretel? Why? I was perfectly fine until she mentioned the teeth. ‘I think we should get started,’ I said, clearing my throat. ‘The convention kicks off in half an hour.’ I looked at Finn’s familiar. ‘You’re sure she’s in hair and make-up now?’

  Jewel nodded. ‘I double checked her schedule. She’s definitely there.’

  ‘Okay.’ I nodded nervously. ‘I can do this. Finn, is the goop ready for the next ingredient?’

  He looked down at the bubbling green liquid and shrugged. ‘Em ...yeah?’

  Gretel rolled her eyes and looked into the cauldron. ‘It’s ready for the hair.’ She dropped in a ball of Veronica’s hair, and it instantly sizzled. ‘Here.’ She grabbed the ladle from Finn and filled up a small, silver goblet, one with the same decorations as the ones on the mirror’s frame – double-sided faces, each pair eerier than the pair before.

  I took a sip, then used my hand to clamp my jaw shut while I forced myself to swallow. It tasted like never-again. Once I was sure I had the goop down, I looked into the mirror and said:

  ‘Twin with the place I write on thee

  So I shall glimpse, but she shan’t see

  Let my reflection mirror just that

  Which is in the mirror we now look at.’

  I held the mirror over the cauldron, and as the steam rose, I wrote the coordinates on its face:

  Ten fauns by three sickles.

  ‘You’re sure that’s right?’ Finn asked.

  I nodded with certainty. I had an uncanny memory for travelling coordinates. And whilst they would normally be used in order for me to send myself to the correct location when I clicked my digits, in this particular doppelganger spell they were used to connect my mirror with another.

  The steam cleared, and a face appeared before me. ‘Oh my,’ I murmured. ‘She even looks good without her make-up on.’

  Finn nodded far too readily, as we all looked at Veronica Berry, sitting in her dressing room, preparing for the convention. We were all so busy admiring her beauty that it took Jewel to say, ‘Okay – it’s done.’

  We snapped our eyes away from the beautiful Veronica Berry. Finn and Gretel looked at me, amazement on their faces.

  Veronica’s image was beginning to fade from the mirror, which meant that Jewel was right. I knew I was now an exact image of the actress, but I could barely bring myself to look. Finn was too busy holding his jaw open, so Gretel led me back to my own mirror. I looked, and then I closed my eyes, rubbed them, and looked again. ‘Wow. This is so weird.’

  Gretel began to brush my now-lustrous hair. ‘Okay. I think you’re ready to go. Finn?’ She looked at her boss and rolled her eyes. ‘Stop staring at her, Finn. It’s time to get her wired up.’

  For a moment he kept gawping. But then he shook his head and said, ‘Right. Yeah. We need to wire her. Em ... I’ll just pass you the stuff, maybe.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Gretel said. ‘Maybe that’s best. That’s what I like about you, Finn. You don’t let a beautiful face and a stunning body sway you in any way.’

  ≈

  I stood in front of the Hilltop Hotel in the highest heels I’d ever worn, staring at the outside of the building. This was where it all began for me – my reintroduction to the magical world. In this hotel I’d met Dudley, the first familiar who needed my help to find his witch’s murderer. I genuinely missed that smelly old rat. I hoped he and his witch, Maureen O’Mara, were enjoying their afterlife together.

  ‘Can you hear me?’ Finn’s voice came softly into my ear.

  I tapped the tiny invisible bud, making sure it was securely placed in my ear. ‘I can hear you,’ I said. ‘Have you got visual?’

  ‘I see everything you’re seeing. Are the contacts comfy enough?’

  I blinked my eyes. Seeing as I was wearing magical contact lenses that would record everything I saw, I expected the lenses to feel a little more ... there. But I could feel nothing at all.

  ‘They’re perfect,’ I murmured. ‘I’m going in.’

  I wandered inside to find that the foyer of the Hilltop Hotel had been completely transformed. There were booths everywhere, with actors and actresses from the show doing signings. A large screen was currently showing nothing, other than some teaser text promising that a sneak peak of Season Three would soon begin to play.

  The place was buzzing with people, dressed up as their favourite characters. As soon as I walked in, all eyes came my way. Even the real Veronica Berry did a double take as she looked at me. ‘Great costume!’ she called over with a wink.

  I smiled shyly, and brought over the book that Finn had armed me with – a Veronica Berry biography he just happened to have lying around. The queue parted to let me through. Barry Plimpton, I noticed, was at the head of the line.

  ‘What would you like me to write?’ Veronica asked.

  ‘Oh just put To Jazmine,’ I said. ‘That’s Jazmine with a Z.’

  As Veronica scribbled her signature and uttered some pleasantries, Barry seemed to be busy comparing the two of us.

  ‘Amazing costume,’ he told me. His voice had that same squeaky quality as mine had when I’d been talking to Max earlier. I knew I should be happy that the spell was working, but truthfully, the way Barry was looking at me was making me feel like a piece of meat.

  ‘Oh, it’s not a costume,’ I said in the worst cockney accent ever, as I left the line with my Veronica Berry biography, complete with signature. ‘This is me. How I look. Do I really look like her? I mean, people back home in London don’t seem to think so. And I don’t think the resemblance is all that strong myself.’

  Barry gulped. ‘Oh, yeah. Yeah, you definitely look like her. Wow. But your accent is way sexier. I love London. Have you ever seen Upendown Abbey?’

  ‘Oh my stars!’ I reached out and let my hand trail along his arm. ‘I love Upendown Abbey. It’s my second favourite show.’

  We wandered around, enthusing over everything we saw and chatting about Witch Wars. I was relieved to have Finn in my ear, telling me facts about the show so I could act the part of the fan. But I kind of hoped Finn was pulling those little factoids from the internet – if not, he was watching way too much TV.

  As the trailer for Season Three began to play, we paused to watch. Well, I watched the trailer – Barry seemed far more interested in watching me. Witch Wars actually looked like a decent show. Maybe Max and I could start watching it together. On the couch. Or maybe in my bedroom. Oh, drat. I was thinking Bad Wanda thoughts again.

  ‘Did you see the one where Fesorus the warlock uses the Sword of Dandarian to slay Arturo?’

  ‘Only a hundred times!’ Barry cried. ‘But I might have heard a rumour about Belinda going to see Nular the Necromancer and getting a resurrection spell to bring Arturo back.’

  I touched his arm again. ‘That would be all my dreams come true,’ I enthused. It really wouldn’t. Necromancy freaked me out. ‘I just love their relationship,’ I went on. ‘I was crying as much as poor Belinda when Arturo was killed.’

  Barry smiled, the way he’d been smilin
g at everything I said. ‘Oh, Jazmine!’ he exclaimed. ‘I can’t believe this is really happening. I never thought I’d meet anyone who loves Witch Wars and Upendown Abbey as much as I do. Let alone someone as beautiful as you.’ His face turned puce. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘That was a bit forward.’

  I let out a shy giggle. ‘It was a bit. But if I’m honest, I was kind of thinking the same thing myself. Barry ... I think it’s my turn to be a little bit forward. Would you maybe like to spend a little alone time together? Somewhere more private?’

  He gulped. ‘Um ... yeah. Yeah, I’d love that, Jazmine. Where? When?’

  Aw. If he wasn’t in league with the evil ex-Minister – and if he wasn’t currently staring at my cleavage with his mouth hanging open – then I might almost feel bad about playing with his feelings.

  ‘Well, I’ve got to go back to London tomorrow,’ I said. ‘Tonight’s really the only night I have free for a while. But the thing is, I’m staying with some friends, and it’s a little bit crowded. I don’t suppose you’ve got someplace we could go? Somewhere we could get comfy and watch some box sets together?’

  He gulped again. ‘Yeah. Yeah, we could go back to my flat. And Jazmine, you can slap me if I’m being a bit forward here. But I do happen to have exact replicas of the costumes Belinda and Arturo wore the first time they made love.’

  Ew! Ew, ew, ew! ‘Well then, Barry,’ I said, forcing myself to smile. ‘Take my hand, snap your fingers, and I’m yours.’

  ≈

  Barry’s flat was exactly as Gretel had described. He had to have been at least thirty, but the whole place was decorated like a teenage boy’s bedroom. Witch Wars toys and posters were everywhere. They clashed magnificently with the replica Upendown Abbey silverware and china that he had on display.

  As he sat me down on his leather couch and began to play episode one of Witch Wars, I said, ‘I’m a bit hungry, Barry. Don’t suppose you have anything in?’

  He paused the show. ‘Oh, of course. I have some kale and quinoa salad. Or some fish that I could bake with lemon. I think I might have some chickpea burgers, too. What would you fancy?’

  Hmm. That all sounded incredibly healthy for a man Gretel said heated up fried chicken every single night. ‘Oh, I’m not into all that kind of thing,’ I said. ‘I like real food. The greasier the better. Don’t suppose you’ve got any fried chicken?’

  He wrinkled his nose. ‘Good goddess, no. I hate that kind of stuff. I guess I could phone for takeaway, if you really want some fried chicken. But you’ll ruin your figure, you know. Men really do prefer slimmer girls.’

  I clenched my teeth. There was a reason Barry Plimpton was single. ‘Well, real men prefer women who aren’t delirious with starvation,’ I said, standing up. ‘But don’t worry. I’ve got some proper food in my bag, actually.’ I pulled out the vegan fried chicken Finn had bought a little earlier. I was prepared to do a lot for an investigation, but I didn’t think I could quite manage real chicken, seeing as I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d eaten the stuff. Sure, it’d be more authentic, but I might just end up puking all over Barry. Although now that I’d spent some time with him, I’d begun to think he probably deserved to be vomited all over. ‘I’ll just go nuke this,’ I told him. ‘No need to get up. I can see where your microwave is.’

  I just had my hand on the microwave door, ready to open it, when Barry crossed the room faster than I would have believed he could move, and slammed his hand over mine, pulling me away from the microwave. ‘You can’t use that,’ he said. ‘It’s ... broken.’

  I glanced at the microwave. ‘It don’t look broken to me, luvvie,’ I said, brutally combining giggle with cockney. Y’know, because all language is dynamic. And also because I was desperate to lighten the mood and distract myself from the fact that he was scaring me to death.

  In my ear I heard Finn say, ‘Get out of there, Wanda. Now. The guy is a creep with a capital c. We can get a better look at his microwave another time. He’ll get suspicious if you force it now.’

  ‘I think you’re right about the fatty food,’ I told Barry. ‘It’s really not good for me.’

  He smiled. It was the smile of a man I was very glad I didn’t know any better. ‘Exactly,’ he said. ‘Now, you just go on back to the couch and watch the rest of the first episode. I’ll go and get those costumes ready, and put something low fat in the oven for us.’

  Wow. Costume play with a guy who liked his women hungry and docile. How could I ever resist?

  ‘Y’know what? I just remembered – I have to go back to London right now, not tomorrow. Nice meeting you, Barry.’ I clicked my fingers, and left his flat.

  9. What’s in a Name?

  ‘So tell me again why I need to come to this meeting,’ I said, feeling a little more comfortable now that I’d regained my usual appearance. Of course, I’d be even more comfortable if I was at home, with a glass of wine and some Max. Instead, I was standing on the steps of the Wyrd Court with Finn, shivering. ‘I thought you had it earlier today, anyway.’

  Finn seemed to be trying his best not to grunt. I wasn’t sure who that held-back anger might be directed at, were it to be unleashed: me, or my mother.

  ‘That’s why I want you to come, Wanda. Agatha needs to make this announcement tomorrow, and your mother cancelled this afternoon’s meeting at the last minute. Which means she still hasn’t signed the new policing contract. It’s just not like her. I want you to come with me, and tell me if I’m crazy, or she’s as distracted as hell. You’ll be there as a casual observer.’

  Ah. All that withheld anger was directed at my mother, then. ‘I already know she’s being weird,’ I admitted. ‘But I don’t really want to get on her case about it. She’s finally got my dad back. Wouldn’t you be a bit distracted if you were finally reunited with the love of your life?’

  A dreamy look took over his face, but it passed almost as quickly as it arrived.

  ‘No,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Not if it got in the way of something this important. Wanda, you’re talking to the guy who happily arrested his own aunt. And I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, but I also stood by your mother’s decision to report my mother for gross negligence, thus ending her teaching career for good.’

  ‘Well, your mother did almost murder me,’ I pointed out. ‘And she was planning on retiring anyway.’ Seeing the thunderous look on his face, I decided now might be a good moment to backpedal. ‘But you’re right. You’ve supported what’s right all along. I should really do the same. Even if I am scared my mother will cut me off from her cooking. Okay.’ I nodded. ‘Let’s go.’

  ≈

  A moment later, we entered the Wyrd Court. The section that the Peacemakers occupied (and now the Wayfairs, too) was as busy as it always was, even at almost one a.m.. The holding pen was filled with criminals awaiting processing. The canteen was buzzing too, with people from the night shift chugging back coffee.

  My mother was one of those coffee chuggers. She stood up, giving me a brief look of surprise before hugging me. ‘I didn’t know you were coming.’

  I shrugged. ‘Finn and I just made an arrest that we want to question together afterwards. You guys just go on and pretend I’m not here.’

  She sat back down. ‘Well, I’ve not got long,’ she said, glancing at the clock on her mobile phone. ‘So I suppose we’d better just get down to what’s important.’

  ‘Exactly,’ said Finn, pulling out some papers for himself, and handing copies to my mother and me. I glared at him. Casual observer, my behind. Finn wanted me to take part, the scoundrel. Yeah, I went there. I calls them like I see them, and Finn was being scoundrelly as hell. ‘And the most important thing for Agatha to have tomorrow,’ he went on, ignoring my death-stare, ‘is this contract. Signed and sealed, so she can make her announcement.’

  My mother looked down into her coffee. ‘I know. Just ... maybe we could meet again in the morning, before Agatha’s announcement. There are one or two things I want to think a
bout before I sign.’

  Itchy though I was to ask my mother why she was holding things up – and also very aware that Finn was itching for me to do just that – I refused to open my mouth. If he’d wanted me to add anything to the discussion, then he should have said so up front.

  ‘I don’t get this, Beatrice,’ Finn said with a sigh. ‘I really don’t. I mean, I’ve already told you I’m in full agreement with you being in charge of this new force. See?’ He pointed to a clause in their contract. ‘It’s right there, signed by me. Wayfairs have been around for generations – centuries, in fact. The only advantage that my Peacemaking force ever had was my aunt’s support, and a ridiculously large budget. We want to learn from you – I want to learn from you. But ... that kind of requires you being around to teach me.’

  My mother’s face reddened.

  I glanced at Finn. ‘Do you think you could go get me a coffee? Not from the machine here – I swear that stuff is made of the effluence from every single hell dimension. Maybe the all-night place across the road?’

  He got up quickly and said, ‘Sure thing. Anything for you, Beatrice?’

  My mother shook her head, looking away from him. As soon as he left the canteen, she gave me the full force of her stare. ‘An arrest to question afterwards indeed! He’s been complaining to you about me, hasn’t he? And he’s brought you along to try and get me to hurry up and sign.’

  I scratched at my brain for the best way to answer that one. In the end, I went with honesty. ‘Actually, Finn has been doing his best not to complain about you, Mam. Even Agatha hasn’t said anything about it, and I know she must be just as anxious as Finn to get this contract signed. What’s the real problem? Is it something to do with Dad? Are you worried there’ll be more work to do once the new force is set up? That you’ll have less time with him?’

  ‘I suppose there was a bit of that to begin with,’ she admitted. ‘But now that Melissa’s taken over with trying to retrieve his memories, I don’t feel quite so worried. I managed to head up the Wayfair coven for the best part of three decades. I think I can manage this new force, too, even with all the new staff we’ll be hiring.’